If the Indians Went to the Olympics

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Feb 26, 2012; Phoenix, AZ, USA; Milwaukee Brewers relief pitcher John Axford (59) during photo day at Maryvale Baseball Park. Mandatory Credit: Jake Roth-USA TODAY Sports

John Axford – Hockey

He’s got the crazy facial hair and the closer’s mentality to be a natural enforcer, and the Canadian blood to be elite. Apparently, being Canadian is all that is needed in my mind, but it’s good enough for me. Take a 6’5″, 220 pound man and put him on skates, and he becomes a tall man on skates who can intimidate the smaller, finesse game that comes along with those European players. I probably should have gone to Steve Kinsella with help here for hockey (since he covers the Lightening in Tampa), but this is clearly not a piece built on research or tremendous thought.

Nick Hagadone – Skeleton

When Hagadone slammed his left forearm into a door in July of 2012, due to being horrible at pitching during that time and assaulting himself to make things appear better, he had to have surgery and miss the remainder of the season. This type of nonchalant approach to the value of your own body would make Hagadone the perfect Skeleton event participant. In the Skeleton, Hagadone would go head first down an ice track and reach 5 g of force. I don’t really know what that means because I am an English teacher and not Bill Nye, but it seems quite dangerous. Perfect for Hagadone and his lack of bodily concern!