The Weekly Wroundtable is back, and in honor of the Tribe being in Arizona for Spring Training, the Wahoo’s on First team was asked to answer a very important question.
If you were stranded in the desert with any past or present Tribe player, who would you like to be stuck with and why?
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Ed Carroll: I would like to be stranded with Trevor Bauer. I don’t think either of us would enjoy being stranded, because it sounds like it sucks. But we know Bauer can build drones, so perhaps he could build us a drone to either get supplies or contact a rescue team. I would just crack jokes and pester him to fly said drones.
Kyle Downing: I’d choose to be stranded with Cleveland Indians catching prospect Tony Wolters. He knows how to hunt sharks (as he told us on our podcast a few weeks back), which would be useful for food and for protection. As a super-utility player, he’s also all about helping the team in any way possible, which is useful for survival on a desert island.
Katrina Putnam: I would certainly want to be stranded with Corey Kluber. There’s no one who could better keep their composure in a tough situation, and let’s face it, the Indians aren’t going to let the reigning Cy Young winner wander around in the desert for weeks when he could be busy striking out almost 30 percent of batters for the second season in a row. My best chance for returning to civilization would be to tag along with him and wait on the fleet of helicopters they’d surely send to find us.
Cody Norman: Easy. Joey Bats. Albert Belle was one of the most polarizing personalities in baseball during the 1990s and was marked by occasional angry outbursts and a combative personality. Belle was the first player to break the $10 million per year compensation contract in MLB. He was the first to hit 50 home runs and 50 doubles in the same season, and was the face of the hilarious 1994 Bat Burglary. Personality alone makes him an entertaining partner in the desert. Combine that with his menacing stare, and Belle would scare the necessities – food, water and shelter – right out of the desert.
Andrew Schmid: I would want to be stranded with Trevor Bauer. He may not seem like an obvious choice, given the reports of him being arrogant and the Diamondbacks deeming him too much of a hassle to work with, but we saw his drone in action. Part of me thinks that he might turn a cactus into something really cool. Or maybe he’d turn a bunch of cacti into a house or something. Also, he’s got some confidence to hang onto his odd workout routines, and confidence is key when you are stranded in the desert. Besides, he’s already escaped Arizona once.
Merritt Rohlfing: When you’re on a desert island, goal number one is survival. That means you need strength, will, a good attitude and an ability to eat and sleep without dying. That’s why I’d go with Jim Thome as my desert island-mate. He’s gigantic, so he’ll scare off any marauding warthogs. He’s probably a good hunter, being from Illinois. He’s strong and has building experience from making his nephews and nieces tree houses, and he’s real tall, meaning no coconut is out of his reach. Plus, he’s a nice dude, and someone with a good disposition would be important for morale. Plus, if it all goes wrong, that Peoria plowboy could make a lot of meals.
Richard Clark: I would pick Jason Kipnis. His beard is lumberjack-esque, so I assume there would be plenty of firewood, and fire is the first key to survival. He knows what food to avoid after his winter battle with food poisoning. And having met him in Chicago this past year, he seems like an all-around good dude, so he can probably make friends with the locals in the area. He hurt his finger lifting, so he must be relatively strong, meaning he can use brute force on the animals around. He seems like the ideal island companion.
Jesse Runner: If I were stuck in the desert with one former Indians player, it would have to be Kenny Lofton. Kenny showed little-to-no compassion for opposing hitters during his playing time, as he routinely robbed players of would-be home runs. This leads me to believe that he’d be more than willing to steal if necessary for our survival. On top of that, Lofton used to run the bases like a mad man, totally 622 steals in his career. If faced with danger, Kenny could surely throw me on his back and spring us safely away into the sunset.
Brian Brochetti: While there are many great options, I think I’m going to take Rocky Colavito. While it seems like a strange pick, I figure that if I have any chance of ever getting unstranded, it wouldn’t be by jettisoning Colavito as the Tribe did in 1960. While I’m not saying the Curse is real, why take the chance?! Plus, Rocky grew up in the Bronx, so he’d know how to scrap. Also, he – like all good Indians – made his way back to Cleveland before ending his playing career.
Matt Bretz: Scott Atchison is who I’d choose if stranded in a desert. Odd choice? Perhaps, but I figure I’d need someone around that knows how to handle himself without electricity, and Atchison is the only Tribe player (current or former) that’s still alive that would know what that’s like. Having someone with you that was around when fire was first invented sure can come in handy. Plus, with his life experience I’m sure he’d be an amazing story-teller to pass the time around said fire. I’ve always wanted to know just how fun it was to watch Addie Joss pitch, or if George Washington really couldn’t tell a lie. Sure at his age he may not be the best for hunting/gathering food, but figure it’s a desert, not an island. Eventually we’ll be rescued, and Atchison would be the best at passing the time until then.
Nicholas Blazek: Milton Bradley. And no, I’m not crazy. First, I don’t think there could be a more entertaining player to be stranded with. He may be willing to fight a cactus. Hell, Bradley will fight anyone or anything. But he was a smart guy, even though his antics make you wonder. So I figure he can entertain, as well as be helpful to the situation. Or he may scare the hell out of me, and will drive me to NOT be stranded anymore.