Twelve Days of a Cleveland Indians Christmas


Santa Tito

It’s a Very Merry Indians Christmas

What better way to celebrate (arguably) the best holiday of the year than by changing the words to the one Christmas song whose words have been changed more than any other? So, without further ado, I present to you the Twelve Days of a Cleveland Indians Christmas.

1. On the first day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: Dr. Smooth for MVP

On the list of unexpected breakouts in 2014, Michael Brantley had to be at the top of the list. Brantley had always been a solid contributor, but in 204 he became the Indians best player and the best MVP candidate not named Mike Trout or Miguel Cabrera. Can he keep it up in 2015? Based on how he has continued to improve each and every year, it’s hard to imagine him regressing much, if any.

2. On the second day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: A Jason Kipnis bounce back.

It was a tough year for the Tribe’s all-star second baseman. Injuries and the pressure of a new contract extension proved to be too much for him to overcome. Let’s hope 2015 proves to be more like 2013 and less like 2014.

3. On the third day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: Lonnie and his porn-stache.

Let’s face it. Up until his breakout performance in 2014, the mot entertaining part of watching Lonnie Chisenhall play baseball was his 1970’s porn mustache. It’s makes an appearance every so often and when it does, it’s amazing. Maybe in 2015 he can put together a major statistical surge and the porn-stache. It would be glorious.

4. On the fourth day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: Four more years of Tito.

Job security is a great thing. It’s made even better when that job security is for your World Series winning manager and part-time miracle worker. Thanks to his brand new two year extension, Terry Francona will be leading the Indians for four more years through the 218 season. That’s a reason to celebrate.

Santa Tito

5. On the fifth day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: 45 Brandon Moss homers.

Hey, we can dare to dream can’t we? If Moss can hit 55 home runs over the past two years playing in Oakland, what could he do in the much more hitter friendly confines of Progressive Field. Let’s just hope he’s the real deal and not the result of some sort of sick Billy Beane voo doo magic.

6. On the sixth day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: Swisher being Swish

Hey, Swish. Stop pressing. Do you. Stop worrying about living up to the expectations of your contract. We pretty much all know that you aren’t the player we hoped you were going to be. That’s fine. Just be productive. That’s all we’re really asking for at this point. Most importantly, just be Swish. Grow out the mo-hawk again and just be you.

7. On the seventh day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: Cody Allen closing

Enough with the games. No more one year, free agent castoffs. No more reclamation projects. Name Allen the closer from day one and let him dominate in a role that he looks like he was born to fill. So it will cost the Indians in his coming years of arbitration. Oh well. If it’s not Allen getting a big pay raise it would have been someone else. Just stop beating around the bush and make him the closer.

8. On the eighth day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: A Yan Gomes 12 gauge shotgun

Gomes has a cannon for an arm. If he anyone in the marketing or PR department for the Indians had a head on their shoulders they would have Gomes change his number two twelve and start calling him 12 gauge. How bad ass would that be. Just imagine Tom Hamilton screaming, “Reyes is gunned down at second! 12 Gauge does it again! You don’t run on Yan Gomes, folks!”

9. On the ninth day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: Francisco Lindor leather

It’s time. The struggles based on the defensive ineptitude of the Indians and the success of the defensive minded Royals is proof that it’s time for Lindor to get the call. He might struggle at the plate, like most rookies do, but he will more than make up for it in runs saved on the defensive side of the ball. Can we make this happen before June 1, please?

10. On the tenth day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: Ten more Kluber K’s

Kluber had the second most strikeouts in baseball while winning the Cy Young award in 2014. He’s bound to be the Opening Day starter this season for the Indians so what better way to start things off in 2015 than with 10 k’s in an Opening Day shutout? Dare to dream, folks. Dare to dream.

11. On the eleventh day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: A hot start for Santana

Every year for the past three or four years we’ve had to watch Carlos Santana struggle through slow start after slow start. Then after the all-star break he gets hot and it’s almost too little too late. How about this season Santana gets off to a hot start, becomes an all-star, and fulfills his potential as one of the best hitters in baseball.

12. On the twelfth day of Christmas the Indians gave to me: Trevor Bauer rapping

Why not? Bauer looks like he is getting some of his swagger back. After a successful 2014 campaign, it feels like it’s time for the real T-Bauer to stand back up. What do you say Trevor? How about making the long awaited sequel to “Gutter to the Grail.”