If the Indians Went to the Olympics

Sep 19, 2013; Cleveland, OH, USA; Cleveland Indians first baseman Nick Swisher (left) celebrates his double beside Houston Astros second baseman Jose Altuve (27) in the first inning at Progressive Field. Mandatory Credit: David Richard-USA TODAY Sports

Nick Swisher – Ski Jumping

Nick Swisher seems like the kind of guy that you become great friends with who will do any dare that you present for a 22 ounce beer. For this event, that 22 ounce beer is presented to the Brohio Governor to become an Olympic champion in the most insane sport this side of Skeleton – the Ski Jump. I could just picture Swisher’s chaw-filled smile and laugh as he’s flying nearly 400 feet down the side of a mountain, and I imagine that he’d do this event in a short sleeved t-shirt. Upon completion, there’d likely be a keg stand celebration, as that is the kind of party that my Nick Swisher appears to throw.

Jason Kipnis, Asdrubal Cabrera, Lonnie Chisenhall, and Carlos Santana – Curling

This team of four used to make up the infield, but now, they’ll be the greatest curling team ever. Why? Because Cabrera and Kipnis make a great double-play duo, while Chisenhall and Santana provide enough untapped potential to be masters with the broom to control the path of the stone, just as they do with a baseball bat and ball when things are going right. The athleticism and teamwork that this team could demonstrate would make the Canadians cower in fear, while the Dutch would still be hated by all for no apparent reason.